Breast cancer diagnosis? 6 simple strategies to help you cope

Have you recently been diagnosed with breast cancer? Welcome to hell! But also, please allow me to guide you through it or at least help you find your way. The diagnosis, which can be a rather jarring process itself, comes with all kinds of emotions.

Even strong, resilient, emotionally stable women will experience anger, anxiety, guilt, and disbelief.

Coping with breast cancer emotionally is not something others could do for you, nor should you expect it to take care of itself. Your medical team may give you some useful tips but ultimately, you’ll be the one coping with your breast cancer diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer in November 2019. Despite having had zero previous experience with anxiety, I found myself fighting voices in my head that just would not stop.

Okay, I had experienced anxiety before, of course. Like, you know, every time I let myself be vulnerable and sent a message to some emotionally unavailable dude, I anxiously waited for a reply… and all I got was crickets. That kind of anxiety. The kind that stops the minute you notice another cute guy.

This was different. It was crippling, overwhelming, confusing – I had to do something.

Looking for ways to deal with breast cancer

Now, before I go deeper into the emotional shit your breast cancer diagnosis has brought about, let’s talk about existing issues. If you have been struggling with anxiety and/or depression before, please do seek professional help. Although I am in a much better place now, all I can offer is some of my homemade ways of coping with breast cancer.

First of all, the process of diagnosing breast cancer can take a few weeks, and the not knowing part SUCKS. Did you find your own lump? Did you have strange symptoms that led to some tests? Or were you like me – no symptoms, healthier than your doctor, and a routine mammogram turned your life upside down?

Whatever happened, you know how waiting for those test results felt. You probably went from feeling confident (“mammography isn’t accurate, these things are almost always inconclusive”) to hopeful (“3 out of 4 biopsies are negative”) to scared (“am I dying?”) to angry (“this is bullshit, I want a second opinion!”). And now we’re all here, on this scary breast cancer journey.

When I got my diagnosis over the phone, I actually remained as cool as a cucumber. I didn’t freak out or cry, I just said: Um, ok, so, what’s the next step? Oh, an appointment with a breast surgeon? Great!

I only broke down after I hung up (such good manners!). And again 5 minutes later, walking the dog. And a few more times that evening. That’s just how it goes; it hits you, you have cancer now, why you? Why now? You have questions without answers, you can picture horrible scenarios, you feel the unbearable pain already. And all of this is in your head.

So, how do you get out of your head?

Anxiety can sneak up on you. A breast cancer diagnosis isn’t necessarily an early death sentence but it’s not exactly a scraped knee either. In this day and age, what you do is get online and start researching. This may help you some but most of the information you’re likely to absorb is going to scare the ever-living shit out of you.

So, I would say, yes, do educate yourself. Stick to .org websites and maybe avoid cancer support groups in the first couple of weeks. Because guess what you’re going to read there? Some very scary personal stories that may not apply to you at all but you’ll never be able to forget them.

Here’s what helped me get out of my head. I sat down and made a mental list of everything that brings me joy. This is different for everyone but you can basically see my list in the main categories of my blog – my crafts, my pets, and cooking. I then made a conscious decision to spend more time doing these things. I’m not a robot, it didn’t just magically happen, and poof, my anxiety disappeared. But I was able to come to terms with my breast cancer diagnosis and enjoy life again. And so can you.

Accepting breast cancer

When you’re first diagnosed, your first reaction may be shame. You may even blame yourself. But most of all, I’d say you’re scared of what’s to come. The second we hear the word cancer, most of us think chemo, radiation, surgery, pain, hair loss, loads more pain, death. DEATH!

That’s what scares all of those who love and care about others. All mothers, grandmothers, aunts, daughters, wives, sisters, and cousins are afraid to die on their loved ones. The truth is, 90% of all patients diagnosed with breast cancer are still alive 5 years later. That’s great news! No need to make your own funeral arrangements yet. Try and live your life instead.

1. Humor

You are going to need all the humor you can find in your body – the darker, the better. Plus, more fun for the cancer-free, too. As I said earlier, the reality of your breast cancer diagnosis will hit you. Usually when you least expect it. At first, it may hold you firmly in its grip but eventually, you’ll stop thinking about it 24/7.

And that’s when it may come as a brand new shock.

You’re living your life, making some fun plans for the summer when your cancer gently reminds you that, oh, no, you can’t be planning yet. Because what if your treatment renders you incapable of doing whatever it is you’re planning? Activate humor! Hey, you have cancer now. It must come with some perks, right?

Count with me: everybody has to be nice to you (If they’re not, they probably don’t know yet. Go ahead and share! Make them a little uncomfortable! They can’t blame you, you have cancer, remember?), you get some free stuff (I got a pink ribbon notebook from my breast care center, score!), you can cut in checkout lines (I’m not 100% sure about this one but do try it and let me know), and, best of all, you get to joke about cancer without being considered insensitive.

Also, you now get to play god when a cancer-free person tries to make a cancer joke. See? So many perks! #cancerperks

2. Milk it!

Speaking of perks, I decided early on that I would milk this breast cancer (no pun intended but now that I see it… never mind) for all it’s worth. That’s because my first perk was delivered on the day of my diagnosis – and it was a delicious muffin.

You see, after my right breast biopsy, I wanted a muffin. My husband suggested I get two but I just wanted one so the other one was his. The following day, his muffin was still untouched and I was eyeing it, ooh, I wanted that muffin! But my husband said I’d had my chance and blown it. It had been a post-biopsy comfort muffin which I’d turned down and now the portal was closed.

A few hours later, I got the cancerous phone call… and then I got the muffin! And that’s a fine way of coping with breast cancer in my book.

Another way to milk this is saying “I’d do it myself but, you know, I have cancer” whenever there’s something you don’t feel like doing. It doesn’t work with everyone and everything but I do recommend it.

3. Do not keep it to yourself

Seriously, laughing about your cancer diagnosis is great and may even help you accept it but please don’t drive yourself crazy by keeping it to yourself. You may not want everyone to know (so maybe don’t start blogging about it, then) but do share it with your family and friends.

Some of them will probably react in dickish ways but some will most likely surprise you by providing more support than you thought they were capable of.

And you WILL need support coping with breast cancer. Sure, you’ll join some cancer support groups and find thousands of pink sisters all over the world. You can vent and rant and they will understand. But you’ll absolutely need the support of your real-life friends because the best way to get out of your own head when you have cancer is to talk about anything BUT cancer.

4. Focus on the positive

Yes, you have cancer, but you’re still here, your life is far from over. It’s going to change but that’s what life is. Things keep changing and we keep adapting. One way to stay positive is by being thankful. So, go ahead, make a list of all the fun stuff you can still do – while waiting for surgery or more test results – and will be able to do again after your treatment is finished.

And, since you’re already making a list, start another one – a list of things you can do while recovering from surgery, or when your energy levels are low from treatment, that you otherwise wouldn’t have time for. You know, rest, sleep, watch TV, read, knit, write letters… whatever floats your boat.

5. Do stuff

Take your list and actually do the stuff you put on it. Whatever brings you joy, make sure you do some of that every day. It will help you get out of your head and forget about your breast cancer for a while. Don’t worry, it’ll still be there when you’re done having fun. You’ll have plenty of time to be scared. But wait, that’s not what you want, is it? Do more of what brings you joy.

6. Give yourself a break

Yes, use humor, milk your breast cancer, tell people about it, think positive thoughts, and do fun stuff. Absolutely, all of that.

But don’t forget that you’re also human and this is rough. Don’t be a hero and try to make it really easy on everyone around by seemingly coping with your breast cancer with a bright smile on your face while your anxiety eats you up inside. This is some tough shit to deal with; you’re going to be moody, irritable, and crazy sad or angry at times.

Cry if you need to, tears are therapeutic. When I was first diagnosed, I let myself wallow in self-pity no more than twice a day for up to 10 minutes total. I would bawl and scream “why me, why now?” and “I don’t wanna die young!” but I knew crying like that for more than a few minutes at a time would give me a horrible headache.

You can read more about my love of headaches in this post from the other side of my surgery. Then you’ll understand why I had to give myself a limit for crying.

Coping with breast cancer emotionally – a brief summary

A fresh breast cancer diagnosis will hit you with a whole host of overwhelming emotions, such as anger, anxiety, shock, and disbelief. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression or other issues that could be exacerbated by this new development, please seek professional help.

Here’s a list of things that helped me come to terms with my breast cancer:
1. Humor
2. Milking it
3. Sharing the news with loved ones
4. Focusing on the positive
5. Doing fun stuff
6. Not being a hero all the time

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