Inside: Everything you need to know about coping with the loss of a breast or two after mastectomy, embracing your “new normal”, and being a happy, gorgeous queen.
Welcome back! Let me tell you how I’m settling into the new normal and coping with the loss of a breast… implant, but still. Wait, what? Yes, a lot has happened in these past three weeks. I thought I was doing so great I could help others cope with breast cancer. Well, I still think I can do that but I have a whole new perspective on things now. If you follow me on Facebook, you may already know what I went through last week. If you don’t, here’s a quick recap.
Healing great until…
My recovery was going great, my range of motion was improving daily, I was almost ready to try sleeping on my stomach again (still not quite comfortable), and then I woke up last Monday feeling like death warmed over. I thought I was coming down with the flu but my follow-up visit with my surgeon later that day revealed an infection in my left breast. I got a prescription for two types of antibiotics and scheduled for surgery the following afternoon. Things were moving really fast all of a sudden!
The surgery on Tuesday went well. It involved a wash-out of the breast and the old implant was replaced with a new, sterile one. On Wednesday afternoon, the cultures came back and the news was rather grim.
The infection wasn’t in the skin alone but also in the implant pocket, and the bacteria fell into a category that does not respond well to common antibiotics. I had two options: a. keep the new implant and see what happens when I get off meds or b. have the implant removed, heal completely, and have another attempt at reconstruction in 6 months or so.
I chose option b and under the knife, I went again. So much for the melons I hadn’t even had enough time to get used to…
Yes, losing a breast sucks
Speaking of fruit, when I was released from the hospital on Friday, I was welcomed by wonderful Friends (have I mentioned that we’re lucky to have the world’s best neighbors?) who brought Flowers and Fruit. Instant remedy!
I was happy just to be home but I didn’t need to cope with my loss quite yet. My flat side was covered with a thick bandage so I had no idea what it looked like. I dreaded the moment I would see it for three days. I won’t even pretend to be cool about it. Read my lips, world: I was scared.
Now, I’d like to clear up what my fear was about. It had little to do with body image issues (but let’s talk about those some more soon) or feeling less pretty. I was just scared of my own reaction to seeing my body without one of its parts. My amazingly supportive husband tried to help me by constantly reassuring me that he’d always find me beautiful. And that’s great to hear, it really is.
But I had to explain to him that I would be just as scared to see my own foot, for example, if I happened to get a few toes chopped off. It’s funny how, as imperfect as our bodies may appear to us, we get so used to them being what they are. Getting an asymmetrical body is scary simply because we get so much pleasure from symmetry.
How can you cope with the loss of a breast?
Well, I guess, technically, you don’t HAVE to. I have heard of women who haven’t looked at their bodies in a mirror for years. They’re coping with the loss of a breast (or two) by ignoring it. And it’s not like you’re constantly aware of how many breasts you have, right? I mean… unless you work with your breasts, they just sort of sit/hang there without you even noticing most of the time.
But I’ve had a great relationship with my body for all these years, I want to accept my new normal, too. I don’t want to be disgusted by the look of my chest, and I also don’t want to avert my eyes every time. My unimelon situation may be temporary. I certainly hope it is. No one can guarantee it though. So, I choose to embrace it.
As I’ve stated multiple times by now, I know not to reduce my beauty to my physical appearance. And that’s not what body image issues are about, either. Body image has nothing to do with our size or shape; it’s all about our values (social, cultural, familial). These values affect our self-perception, self-esteem, and self-worth.
Coping with the loss of a breast or two may, therefore, involve digging a little deeper.
Dealing with body image issues
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You always have a choice: you can feel bad about your body or love and accept it. If you think that you’ve accepted your “imperfections” as long as no one comments on them, that’s great. To me, accepting my imperfections means not being self-conscious of them outside of my little bubble, either.
And anyway, I’m getting fitted for a prosthetic breast next week. I won’t have to deal with what the world thinks of my uniboob. The world won’t see it. I will. Although I’d love to say I was done crying over this stupid loss, I’m not. Acceptance is a process; I don’t expect it to happen overnight.
Here’s how I’m coping with the loss of my breast:
Every day I’m thankful.
Thankful for what I have, what still works, doesn’t hurt, and just is. Having trouble being grateful on your cancer journey? Interested in reading more about how an attitude of gratitude could change your life? Check out these books:
Grateful: The Subversive Practice of Giving Thanks
Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy
The Way of Gratitude: A New Spirituality for Today
I am determined to fully accept my mastectomy scar. I make sure to take a good look at it every chance I get. Not only do I look at it, but I also gently caress it and talk to it. Wild, I know! I don’t actually talk to my scar out loud; however, if you need an excuse to talk to your own body, losing a body part is perfect.
When I got the infection on my healthy (non-cancerous) side last week, I joked that my healthy breast was acting out because it needed attention. I’m just telling my flat left side that I love it no matter what. My chest does not define me but it is a part of me and it does matter.
Are you trying to get the scars to fade faster? Try these Aroamas Professional Silicone Scar Removal Sheets for Scars – they may seem a little pricy at first, but here’s a little secret the brand doesn’t mention in the product description on Amazon: when I bought them then posted an honest review, they gave me a choice of an Amazon gift card or another package of silicone sheets for free!
Need some more inspiration? I just stumbled upon The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love that looks too amazing and too important to pass up so I’m getting the audio version right now. If you’ve read it or decide to check it out after reading this post, do let me know what you think in the comments, or shoot me an email.
My crafts to the rescue!
I crocheted a little Pink Ribbon Pirate Princess Patch to cover up the scar in pictures. It may be silly but I spent an hour or two focused on making something pretty for my not-so-pretty scar. You might argue that the patch is intended to hide the scar, not showcase it, and you’re right.
But think about this: We buy pretty dresses to “hide” our bodies because we think we deserve them. I’m just letting my scar know it’s worth my time.
Here’s what else might help you feel better:
Rewire your brain
If you keep thinking that your scar is ugly or that you’re incomplete, you’re creating strong neural pathways in your brain. Instead of self-rejection, why don’t you try using messages of self-love and kindness? When you find yourself thinking something that only leads to you feeling bad about your body, interrupt it. Say “it isn’t true” and follow it with a loving statement or something you wish to be true instead.
Here’s a handy list of books on positive affirmations for women. Need a little extra help? Try this hypnosis audio to increase your body confidence.
Tune out the buzz
There are so many people whose opinions, thoughts, and values influence our lives. It’s important to tune out their voices and listen to your own intuition, your needs, your desires. You don’t need anybody else’s approval. When you’re dealing with the loss of a breast (or two), people will react emotionally. Do not mistake their compassion for pity.
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Are you getting ready for your surgery? Are you freaking out a little? Do you hate going into this huge unknown unprepared? I hear ya! I had received plenty of advice and was still surprised later. Click below to get my insider tips.
I feel like I am reading my story. I had the same experience; surgery wash out and sew up (6 mos. of antibotics). 13 rounds of Chemo (had to stop because it was destroying my immune system). 28 radiation teatments. Wait 5 months before I can have reconstruction surgery. Sorry you have a boil in your arm pit. Two weeks later I learn I have to wait 3 Mos. to be sure I am infection free. I am praying I can be healthy until Oct. 5th at which time I will have dorsal flap surgery( 17 months later).Prayers that your journey will be over soon and results are all you hope for. Thanks for your article. I had began to think I was alone with my interruptions.
Thank you for your kind words, Janice! I finished my active treatment last year and finally got my new implant in December. My girls are far from perfect but you know what? I’m doing great. I hope all goes well for you on surgery day and in the weeks and months after!
Your story is so similar to mine; everything happened so fast; July was the ultrasound, August was the biopsy and I had bi-lateral mastectomy on 9/11/24. I developed an infection on both sides. The day before thanksgiving, my surgeon said I needed surgery, which was scheduled 5 days later. I woke up to find drains and no implants. Now we are letting the area completely heal and then will discuss trying the implants again or what other options we need to consider. I am having trouble coming to terms with all of this. I have a co-worker that dealt with this 10 yrs ago and doesn’t hesitate to offer her opinions and I feel she’s trying to sway my decision as well. My husband keeps saying he’s not going anywhere which never crossed my mind my mind. I worry about my job. The best thing that happened is I get to spend more time with my sister crafting and we’re trying to make Christmas cookies, our annual tradition for past 3-4 years.
I hear you, Peggy. All of this is so hard! I hope you find a way to tune out the buzz and figure out what YOU need. The whole journey feels so surreal, it’s not always easy to understand your own feelings. Sending hugs and lots of healing vibes your way!
You are so encouraging and I pray that I can Help someone in their time of need. It’s a daily struggle but we will all get through this and be a rock for others. It is definitely a struggle to understand your own feelings with everyone else trying to give their advice. I am praying for the right decision for me and I feel your vibes. I am sending you hugs & prayers & healing vibes too.